I have a tiny problem.

You see, it's a problem that I've been trying to put off dealing with since...well, since months ago.

I have a problem with cleaning out my closet.

In my closet, there's a shelf where I keep a bag brimming with random things that remind me of certain memories.

A card I sent to my dad for his birthday when he was in Europe in 1997. My Southridge prom invitation. My Starbucks planner filled with pictures, notes, and other things that my ex boyfriend and I did together. Palanca letters from high school retreats. Stampitas from my First Communion.

The list goes on and on...and on.

A question suddenly comes to mind.

How do you get rid of these things?

Do you just throw it in the trash? Do you burn it? Do you bury in the earth?

I feel like I'm violating an unsaid rule-- as if I'm discarding pieces of my life.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think it's trash at all. I just don't know where to put it all. And I keep thinking, what if I'm already 40? Would I be still doing the same thing? Keeping memories like this? How big of a closet do I need?

I know I can't keep these things forever. I'll be moving out of the house, traveling...just really too busy to even remember that I had a closet filled with my past.

So tell me, has this ever crossed your mind?

(I wish my brain worked like a hard drive)

I am not new to broken promises.

But there are just some promises I cling to so bad that when broken, they hurt me so bad. And they aggravate me...disappoint me.

I feel betrayed and lied to.

It's those promises that require sacrifice on my end, especially.

Also, it's those promises that somewhat go,

"I need to start fixing my finances and myself for my future kasi so blah blah blah...."
~ And you see them burn their money on drinking and going out to "unwind" while they continuously think about their debts and being broke.

"Someday, you'll be great. Just keep working hard and do your best for the company."
~ And you discover that the boss you looked up to was previously charged with Estafa thrice, is in debt, and just used you as a pawn to steal more money from the company-- making you work from 11am-11pm for nothing.

It's those promises that play with my hope that things will be better after sacrificing, but comes out as a promise that's empty. A lie.

I'm not even going to try saying anything profound about this. Not like my usual, "There's an upside to this pain..." Nope. I'm just here to release my frustration on broken promises. Those promises broken by people I trusted so much.

I'm very disappointed with you. I thought you'd be a better person after everything but so far, you seem to be fucking up your finances up pretty well. You can say any excuse you want, but really, who's suffering? You're the one with the empty bank account after a night of drinking, "having fun", and masking your guilt.

If only you could prove me right. That you're actually someone respectable and true. How I wish that were possible. But let's face it, you never really listened to me anyway.